The essence of living serenely is to determine what you can or cannot change within your own life. The Stoics call this "the dichotomy of control". The quote from the Stoic philosopher Epictetus (above) distills it all down very succinctly. In addition, a common prayer used in various recovery program meetings (also quoted above) put the essence of this idea into easy layman's terms.
When I was a kid, my maternal grandparents had a plaque on the wall in their house (pictured above). As a kid it really meant nothing to me, as I didn't understand the message. After my grandfather died, my grandmother began a process designed to reduce the bulk of what had been theirs to a more manageable state. This included getting rid of some stuff, like books and bric-a-brac. She asked me if I would like the above plaque.
At the time it still held no significance for me other than it was memorabilia from the past. But I took it. Several years later it did acquire some significance, since, as an active member of one of those previously mentioned recovery programs, I had heard what is commonly called "The Serenity Prayer". The plaque now has a permanent place above my bed.
In essence, what the whole dichotomy of control means is that there are certain things I can take control of in my life. These include, but are not limited to, how I react to situations and stimuli that enter my life. Note: I can't actually control which situations and stimuli enter my personal world, but I have the option of controlling my reactions to said situations.
I can do all things within my power to get you to like me, for instance, but like the horse and the body of water, I can't actually "make" you like me. I once heard someone say that the serenity prayer gets it wrong. You don;t get acceptance through serenity, you get serenity through acceptance. The dichotomy of control states that I can only have control over my own actions, and any outside stuff is not worth sweating over since I can't actually change it of my own free will.
Of course, that does not mean I have to defeatist attitude; i.e. "'there's nothing I can do about it, so screw it". In terms of my imminent departure from this life- another quote from Epictetus: "I cannot escape death, but at least I can escape the fear of it." Modern science has improved exponentially since the days of Epictetus, so I can take advantage of resources available, but I don't have to dwell on the negative side of the equation.
The ultimate benefits from accepting what I cannot change and focusing only on the things I can are many.
The main benefit for me is that elusive word "serenity". In my recovery program I have often said that the primary benefit of the program is that it has helped be overcome my addiction. But the second benefit, and that thing I want most of all is serenity. It turns out that one of the best ways to achieve serenity is to not stress over outside influences. To harken back to that treasured T-shirt I mentioned in an earlier post: "You need to let that **** go."
Another benefit is that when I am not stressing over those things I can focus on other projects that are more productive. How much time I have wasted on fretting or grousing about the productivity of my co-workers, when I could have just jumped in and helped and gotten the job done sooner. This also would have improved my relationships with said co-workers. But since I cannot change the past, all I can do is work on the present, and hopefully improve the future. Again, that stressing over things I can't control: the past, the actions of those around me now, and the outcome of the situation outside of my own personal effort become useless in my striving towards serenity.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Living only for today and doing what I can to improve it, whether for me personally, or possibly those around me is the best way I can approach it. And since today is actually the first day of the new year, it is a good way to start the journey of 2026.
May your spiritual journey be fruitful.
Quiggy
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