Individuality

 

 

"Don't dream it. Be it." 

                                                                                -from The Rocky Horror Picture Show 

 

Inspiration can come from anywhere. The essence of the film The Rocky Horror Picture Show was that you shouldn't let societal norms hinder you from being your true self. Yes, the film was about what some sectors of the populace might judge as unacceptable, but then, that was the point. 

When you let yourself be limited by what others think, you are essentially subjugating yourself to the whims of a group of people who have no concern for your well-being and emotional stability, only for how you fit into their own notions of how life should be.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with standing out in the crowd. With going against the grain. With standing up for your own individuality. You don't have to be a Christopher Columbus, or a Galileo, or a Rosa Parks. You can just be who you are in your own community. Just don't let peer pressure force you to just fit in and not make waves. If you do that, you are a hero in my book, despite what your friends, family or neighbors might think.

May your spiritual journey be fruitful. 

 

Renewal

This project has been idle for several months. Life gets in the way. As does procrastination, a bad habit of mine. Let's see if I can begin to get back on the path of inspiration. 

 

"The sun is a daily reminder that we too can rise from the darkness, that we too can shine our own light." 

                                                                                                                                                           -S. Ajna 

 

There is a profound effect in the process of reviewing and re-evaluating one's outlook on life.  As they remind me in my recovery program, "you can always restart your day."  

One of the troubles that I, and probably even you, face on occasion is having some event in daily life that goes against the plans that you set out at the beginning. I can still remember days back when I was a working man where the whole day started out just fine. But then I made a decision to get out of bed...

There is a classic proverb / prayer I remember from my past:

"Dear Lord, so far I've done all right.

I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent.

I'm really glad about that.

But, in a few minutes, I'm going to get out of bed.

And from then on, I'm going to need a lot more help."

One of the things I've learned in the last 17 years, since I have started down a path of renewal that has been helped along by my recovery program, is that "you can restart your day any time you feel like it". 

So you woke up, burned your toast while making breakfast, went out and found out that the battery on your car was dead, making you late for work, which ended up with you being called into the boss' office and reprimanded. Your attitude towards the day and the people you have encountered has gradually sunk to a level where you are sniping at someone who got to the water fountain just before you did and is taking a few seconds longer to get a drink than you deem necessary.

At this point I find it helpful to just step back and recite a prayer that is always at hand if I just take pause:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

courage to change the things I can 

and wisdom to know the difference."

While I won't try to say that results are immediate, I do find that it is helpful in creating a better attitude and focusing on the good things. Sometimes I even manage to completely forget why I got in such a bad mood in the first place.

May your journey be fruitful.

Quiggy

Slowing Down

 

 

"A person who is looking for something doesn't travel very fast." 

                                                                                   -E. B. White 

 

It's an old adage you have probably heard hundreds, if not thousands, of times: "You've got to take time to stop and smell the roses".  Basically, in a rush, rush, rush world (to co-opt a line from The Twilight Zone episode "A Stop at Willoughby"), it helps to take time out from your journey to contemplate the place where you are at the present. You can potentially miss out on some inspiring moments if you are only focused on the goal you are trying to attain.

This entry was inspired by a daily readings from one of my books designed for meditation. The last line of the entry said:

"Often it is not the events in our lives that bring change but the space between events." 

                                                                    -from Touchstones by Hazelden Meditations 

 

How often have I had that goal take precedence over everything else, and neglected to see what was right around me? Something happened to me after I turned about 50, though. I started to stop and not be in such a rush to get where I was going, giving me the opportunity to see things I may not have ever noticed if I had still been entirely focused on the goal I was trying to reach. 

To wit: I often take advantage of the options on my GPS when I go somewhere new. I enter "avoid highways" into the parameters, which often takes me down back country roads, as opposed to the Interstate. Sure, it takes a bit longer to get where I am going, but I have always had a habit of leaving early anyway, so I am never in any rush to get to where I am going.

The adventure comes when I see things that I would never have seen if I stayed on the Interstate. In my article from last year on this site Cultivating Patience, I talked about using that GPS to map out a trip back to Texas from Kansas. In that article I talked  about how that event in my life helped me in my quest for patience.

But there was an added bonus to the trip. Traveling down back roads I saw quite a number of unique sites. including more than one barn with some rather interesting designs. Also I got to see more than enough of the state's flower, the sunflower, in patches. The whole trip had a calming effect on me. 

So, in essence, if you take time to "stop and smell the roses" there are benefits to taking time out to see what is around you. The beauty of the world can be both nature made and man made. All it takes is an open mind to appreciate what is not necessarily "hidden", but essentially missable if one is too focused on the immediate goal.

Make your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy 

Character Driven

 

 

 

 

 "With the story of your life, you don't get to write the whole book, just your character."

                                                                                                                      -Olivia Munn

 

Been a month since I came into this room, so an update is probably required.

In addition to the cancer that inspired this blog in the first place, I am having some health issues, probably associated with my advancing years. I was in the hospital earlier this month, and diagnosed with hypokalemia, which means I have a severe deficiency in potassium (or at least a problem retaining it in my system). As such, fatigue and other symptoms made some things difficult, one of them finding the wherewithal to keep this journal active. Hopefully I am on a path to recovery in that area...

 

So, in the vein of what I can do to advance the character of this novel that someone or something is writing (call it God, or whatever you want), I am not writing the plot line. (I would have given myself a different life, I am sure.) Whatever God sees fit to put me through in this life is designed to make me fit more in tune with His will. 

My input, of course, in the scheme of things, is my reaction to the outward stimuli that He puts in my path. God gave each and every person the attribute of "free will". Think back to the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God told them "there's a tree over there, but don't touch it or eat it's fruit." And then He let them decide for themselves whether to obey.

God could have easily put up some kind of force field around the tree, or outfitted Adam and Eve with some kind of celestial shock collar that would zap them if they got to close to the tree, but he gave them the opportunity to make the choice for themselves. This, to me, defines the essence of the character in the story that is my life. I have choices, and those choices drive the story in the direction that results. See, in this idea, I have some input into the plot, but God still retains the privilege of writing the overall story. 

Getting back to my health issue. There are resources out there to help me navigate the "low potassium" difficulties I am currently experiencing. In that respect, I made my first choice by ordering a couple of books on how to gain a high potassium lifestyle  for seniors. The next choice, probably the more difficult one, considering my history of procrastination, is to implement what those books tell me to do. That is the essence of using my choices in developing the character in God's grand novel of my life.

May your spiritual life be fruitful.

Quiggy   

 

Wind Beneath the Sails

 

 

 

 

"Look at the sparrows; they do not know what they will do in the next moment. Let us literally live from moment to moment." 

                                                                                                                                           -Mahatma Gandhi 

 

The way to serenity often, for me, is to not obsess over what is going to happen tomorrow. The true path to happiness is to take things as they come. Often what happens in the future is not near as bad as what I envision the future to be. I like to think of the future as being a result of an infinite number of possibilities.

What really matters is what I can do now. Each decision I make affects the outcome of the future, but if I try to manipulate the path of my future, sometimes it doesn't actually go the way I intended. Better for me if I just "do the next right thing" and let God govern the way the results come. When I am transfixed on a desired outcome, I might miss some important thing I might learn from whatever is happening right now.

For instance: When I was young, after those childhood dreams of being a policeman or a fireman (and I don't even remember if I actually dreamed to be one of those, but it serves as an illustration), my biggest dream was to be a writer. And, no, my dream did not involve actually being a famous writer of worldwide renown, I just wanted to have something to be able to point to and say "Yeah, I wrote that").

I never really completed that dream until I discovered the blogosphere. Which means I just had to wait and bide my time. But in the process I took it one day at a time. Now, in truth, I don't know if anybody is actually reading any of my blogs. (Besides this one, I also am involved in writing a movie review blog on this same platform; The Midnite Drive-In.) Neither one is going to bring me prestige, but decades from now it will still be out there on the Net. And that is all I ever really wanted.

In 2017 I was privileged to also have a piece I wrote appear in print in the Grapevine, a magazine published by Alcoholics Anonymous. As I told my sponsor in the program at the time, if I had known all it took was for me to get happy with my life to get published I might have done years ago. Living for the moment, I just wrote down some thoughts on my relationship with Pennie, my cat, and submitted it to the publishers. I then just forgot about it. If it got published, OK; and if it was rejected, that too was O.K. 

I have since then been privileged to be published twice more in that magazine. Both times I just let the wind take the sails wherever they might lead.  What happens tomorrow, only God knows for sure, and I'm happy to let the boat go where it will.

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy 

  

Generosity

 

 

"Generosity brings happiness at every stage of it's expression. We experience joy in forming the intention to be generous. We experience joy in the actual act of giving. And we experience joy in remembering the fact that we have given."

                                                                                                                                          - Guatama Buddha 

 

One of my favorite memories of years past is when I went to a restaurant, Shoney's I think, for a breakfast buffet. After I finished I went up to pay my bill. They had one of those crane machines that had stuffed animals stocked in it. I used to be somewhat addicted to those things, not the least because I had a success rate of about 80% at getting the thing I went after.

Anyway, while I was waiting to check out I saw this woman and her young son fiddle with the crane machine trying to get a stuffed dog. At 50 cents a pop, she attempted about 4 or 5 times at it with no success, and then said to him, "I'm sorry. I guess luck is not on our side."

I stepped up behind her and dropped my 50 cents in the slot and zip! pop! got the same dog on the first try. I turned to the mother and son and gave the boy the dog with a "here you go." The mother asked "why did you do that?" In all honesty I told her "I don't really want these things. I just like showing off that I can do it."

I never saw that mother and son again. I like to think the kid got years of enjoyment from the stuffed dog, but I am not under the illusion that either the son or his mother remember the event. But I do. Even going on 30 years later. And it warms my heart to remember the smile on that boy's face when I gave it to him. 

Generosity sometimes comes hard when you are focused on just the immediate situation you are trying to accomplish and not noticing that things are going on around you that might give you the opportunity to be blessed. 

It doesn't always require an outlay of money to be generous, sometimes it can just be a matter of a minute of time. Holding the door open for someone. Letting that guy or lady behind you in the grocery line go first, since he or she only has a couple of items, but your basket is full. Or just a gift of time, and effort on your part to help a neighbor, or even a stranger.

When I was 21, I had a paper route. After delivering the papers one morning (about 4am), I was heading home to get some much needed rest. On the way home I saw a woman pulled over with a flat tire, and she was obviously struggling to use that car jack they put in cars. I stopped and ask her if she needed help and ended up changing her tire for her. She offered me $20 as a payment, but I declined, telling her I was glad to help. I think I may have said something along the lines of "pass it on". 

I admit I looked at that $20 bill with a bit of remorse at having turned it down, since in 1983 that was a lot of money, but the feeling I got for helping out a stranger in her time of need more than made up for the loss, which would probably have been used on alcoholic beverages anyway... and that would only have been a fleeting feeling of happiness, and I probably wouldn't even remember the incident today like I do.

Thus I'm not saying you should devote half of your surplus income to the local charity to be generous. Many more opportunities can be had just by doing something that others seem to ignore: like picking up that piece of paper lying by the trash barrel. Even that minor act can be an act of generosity. Just keep your mind open to the possibilities of being given the opportunity to be generous.

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy 

 

An Approach to the Future

 

 

 

"A man is as unhappy as he has convinced himself he is." 

                                                                              -Seneca 

 

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

                                                                                                                                -Matthew: 6:34 (NIT) 

 

Sometimes things happen in my life that cause to be apprehensive about the future. Not often, mind you, because I have almost always had the idea that the future is going to happen at it's own pace, no matter what I do. I am a mixture of several philosophical outlooks. In this case I am sort of like how Egg Chen sums up Chinese philosophy in Big Trouble in Little China:

"Look at what we have to work with. Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoist alchemy and sorcery. We take what we want and leave the rest."  

So my approach to things that are out of my control, such as the future, tend to take a path of "que sera, sera". In case you haven't even heard the old Doris Day song, here is the chorus:

"Que sera, sera!

Whatever will be, will be.

The future's not ours to see,

Que sera, sera!"

 

You might say I am somewhat of a fatalist in that respect. And sometimes you might be right. But a pessimistic or apathetic approach is not the whole ball of wax, in my case. Because I can approach it from a perspective of possibly influencing the outcome of the future by my actions here in the present. I do believe that my present situation is the ultimate product of the actions I took in the past. That's why I am here today, instead of being a diplomat in some foreign country or some other such alternate universe outcome.

And, as I stated earlier, I believe that none of it was by my working at trying to achieve this goal, I just let the chips fall where they may. Where I will be, say, six months from now, is entirely up to the fates, or God, or what have you. All that I can do, in my opinion, is just try to strive towards making this very moment a benefit rather than a hindrance to my progress towards that future. 

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy   

First Steps

 

 

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." 

                                                                                                             - Martin Luther King. Jr. 

 

 One of the most iconic scenes, for me, in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, is when Indiana comes to a vast chasm in his final quest. Reading from his father's diary notes about this challenge he quotes: "only in a leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth". 

The thing is, at this point Indiana Jones must complete his quest to retrieve the legendary Holy Grail of Arthurian legend, because, if he doesn't his father will surely die. So there is only going forward: there is no going back, and giving up is not an option. But the chasm is far too wide for him to leap to the other side. He finally determines that it is a "leap of faith". Faith, which is something that Jones lacks.

Have you ever had to step out into the unknown, relying only on faith to guide you through whatever may lay beyond? Speaking only from personal experience, I have to admit that "faith" has been seriously lacking in my endeavors. I have almost always relied on whatever I could muster in my own self-sufficiency to help me muddle through hard times. 

But reliance on a spiritual advisor, whom I choose to call God,  is sometimes necessary in hard times. "The future is uncertain and the end is always near", as Jim Morrison once said, is far too cynical a sentiment when you have help from a higher source. I no longer look at life from such a cynical point of view. Stepping out into the unknown doesn't have to be done alone.

This blog is a perfect example of taking a first step or, if you prefer, a"leap of faith". I honestly don't know whether my own musings and ramblings about a search for meaning and progress will affect anyone but me. And, to tell the truth, I really don't dwell on it. I am writing this blog as a way of coping with my current situation, so, as I said in the initial post, the goal is really to enlighten myself. I have hope that others will get something out of it also. But if I had never taken the first step to create the blog, all of these musings would have remained just in my mind.

Take time to share and express the joys as well as the misgivings of your life with others. Your "experience, strength and hope" as we call it in my recovery program will be of help to others. That's why I leave the comment section open. I am interested in hearing how you are coping with life.

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy 

Inspiration and Work Ethic

I finally got a page-a-day desktop calendar yesterday for 2026. 

 

This is rather late in the year for me. I usually buy a desktop calendar in October or November of the year before. But chalk it up to moving to a small town area. When I lived in San Marcos (in south Texas). there was an outlet mall just down the road, and a calendar and games store was easily accessible. Over the 35 years I lived there I made an effort to buy a new desktop calendar every year. Usually just something that caught my eye, with no agenda for a specific topic. For instance, one year I bought a Marvel comics calendar.

The one pictured above I found in a bookstore. It is the "Inspire 2026" calendar.  Since I started this blog I have looked for sparks of an idea that would inspire me to write. With this inspirational quote calendar I have the potential of a spark every single day (although I probably won't post every single day... I am a great one for procrastination...)

Already, however, I have, from the backlog of the previous pages from 21 days, a couple of really good quotes and a couple more that have some serious potential.

"If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down." 

                                                                                         -Toni Morrison 

 

One of the most important things I am learning in these declining years is that that affinity for procrastination I mentioned above is a serious hindrance to my progress, whether in the physical realm or the spiritual realm. I have dreams like anyone else, but as someone once said "great journeys begin with a single step." Meaning that if I want to achieve any particular goal I actually have to get started on it right away, and not put it off until later.

This blog, for instance. If you know the background, the initial idea to start it was sparked by a comment my cousin made. All well and good, but the idea would have just remained that, an idea, if I hadn't stepped up and wrote the first entry. The blog can be useful only if I continue to fight that inclination to put off indefinitely what could have been done today.

In the same respect, the life I want to live, or what remains of it at least, can only progress towards a goal I set if I remember that I need to get started on the journey if I want results. Nothing is every accomplished if all I do is dream of a better future. I actually have to strive to reach that better future.

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy 

Being Grateful

 

 

 

 

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for things he has not, but rejoices for the things he has."

                                                                                                                                         -Epictetus 

 

Once, in 2009, when I first started attending meetings in my addiction recovery group, I went after the meeting to Cracker Barrel to get something to eat.

For those of you who may not be intimately familiar with Cracker Barrel, it is a restaurant / gift shop. Typically the front is a gift shop, with all kinds of Southern inspired knickknacks, with a dining room connected to it where you can get old-fashioned Southern fare. BTW, the best part of the dining establishment portion is that you can get breakfast all day! Which is why I went there at 1:00 in the afternoon... I can eat breakfast anytime.

Anyway, I went to get my meal, and when I went to check out at the front, there was a little tray with polished stones that had inspirational messages imprinted on them.

 

I browsed through the pile just out of curiosity, but I ended up buying one that had  the word "Gratitude" imprinted on it. I brought it home and put it on my nightstand. It was there to remind to be grateful.

But I am the most disorganized person in the world. For the next 6 or 7 years I would put that stone somewhere, but I would forget about it.  Over that period of time, I would occasionally find it, and it would inspire me to make a "gratitude list". Then, as per usual, I would misplace it again in a week or two. 

Finally, about 10 years ago, upon rediscovering the hiding place that I had last used, I determined I was going to put it on my computer desk in front of my monitor. I was going to keep it there, and it's presence would remind me each day to think about things I am grateful for. Sometimes that list is short and sometimes it is extremely long: it all depends on how much time I actually spend contemplating gratitude. But even if, as I am wont to say when asked how I am doing, the list only comprises three things ("I'm alive. I'm awake. And I'm sober."), that is progress in the quest to be grateful for today.

Here's the deal: I fully believe that each and every event, although maybe on the negative side at the outset, has at least some little niche where gratitude can exist. For instance, if you have been following along from the beginning, you know that in late 2024 I was told that my job of 30 years was going to be no more, since the company had decided to close up that location. The initial reaction could have taken hold and stayed, that of "Woe is me! What will I do now?"

Instead, as I intimated in one of my earlier posts, that initial thought was transferred to a more grateful thought in that I saw the opportunity to move in with my sister. Both of us are unmarried and neither of us had an extended family, so we were all that was left of immediate family. The fact is, not only did I find gratitude in the fact that she was agreeable to a roommate situation, but the loss of the job and it's negative impact, was immediately put on a back burner. I am grateful now that the company decided to close the plant. It gave me the motivation to move closer (we were living 300+ miles apart at the time, and only saw each other once a year), and the resulting situation is a better relationship.

When I feel the pressure of a bad situation bearing down on me, I find it uselful to take a look at it more intently and try to find that thread of positive reaction to a potentially negative situation. It is there. Believe me. The only thing I have to do is to get out of myself and look at it as a casual observer.

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy 

 

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

 

 

 

I know EXACTLY what's on your mind right now, especially if you are over 40. That little brain worm (sort of like an ear worm) is running through your head and you've got a snappy little reggae beat and a singer telling you that in every life there is trouble, but that worry makes it double.  

I am coming back to that concept of serenity. Serenity, as a concept, is easier to contemplate from the outside than it is to employ it from the inside. I find that I can desire the peace and inner calmness that serenity would provide, but often I find myself looking longingly through that doorway that leads to serenity, being held back by my own natural pessimism and the frustrations that abound in my life.

I read somewhere that serenity is not a goal. You can't just run a race and cross the finish line, and presto! Serenity. The process requires an active endeavor to shut the worries out of the mind and thus create a space for serenity. The old adage that nature abhors a vacuum can be translated here to a mental state. When I shut out those negative thoughts, something has to take the open space and fill it.

When I worry, I am in essence saying that there is something wrong with my life and that I can do nothing about it, much as I would like to. (See the chart above). The way to achieve a serene state is to accept the fact that I can't change the outcome and let it go. This is not defeatism, because defeatism would stir me into another realm of the negative state of mind. Pessimism. "Oh, well, it's all going to Hell in a hand basket, so what's the point?" This, too, is a state that is counterproductive to achieving serenity.

Looking at the positive side of a situation can be a challenge sometimes. And believe me, if you try, there is some positive aspect to most, if not all situations. Why do you think people of religious backgrounds say, when a loved one dies, "well, he's gone on to a better place"? It's a matter of mindfulness, the ability to let the worries go by the wayside. Instead "flight or flight", think in terms of "rest and digest". Meditation, that sometimes elusive state for me, is in effect the best way to not worry and be happy.

In addition, one blogger I read on the subject suggested journaling. In other words, something like this blog. I came up with the blog idea from a suggestion by my cousin when I was diagnosed with this cancer, but the blogger hit the nail on the head. One other thing the blogger suggested on the path of serenity was visualization. In other words, think happy thoughts. I think that means if you think happy thoughts you end up building a wall that worry has a difficult time scaling.

Now, the next goal would be to try to create physical space that inspires a world of happy thoughts, and I have to admit this is probably going to be my most difficult assignment. That same blogger suggested decluttering your physical environment. (In other words, "clean your room...") 60+ years of just collecting useless stuff, as well as not letting stuff go when they have outlived their usefulness, has made me pretty much a hoarder, of sorts. 

I laughed at her at the time, but a landlady I used to rent from told me that if I cleaned up my room, then the evil spirits would leave in disgust and the good spirits would move in. I think she was a Catholic, she had a lot of Catholic church iconography in her own home. But maybe there was something to what she said. Even if I don't particularly subscribe to that idea of "evil spirits", any more than I subscribe to feng shui, there seems to be a connection to the environment I surround myself with and the mental state I have living in said messy environment. So that's my next project.

May your spiritual life be fruitful.

Quiggy 

Listening to God

 

 

 

It's been a few days since I checked in last, but I was contemplating that concept of meditation and listening for inspiration from my spiritual advisor.  

If you pay attention, you can actually hear God talking to you. 

Occasionally I find my thoughts disrupted by a different thought that is almost in direct opposition to the train track my thinking is actually taking. These disruptions are, most often, my spiritual advisor trying to point out another way of looking at the situation. As usual, when left to my own designs I have a tendency to look at things a bit more negatively than I really should. For example:

 Several years ago I was visiting a friend in Tulsa. I was staying in a hotel on the north side of town. In the course of my stay I had discovered an early morning (6:30AM) meeting of a recovery group located on the south side of town. I had left sufficiently early enough so I was in no real hurry to get to my destination. I was traveling south on a major street that went from the north side to the south side of town.

During the course of the trip, I kept hitting the traffic lights as they changed from green to red. I am a conscientious driver, so I came to a complete stop and waited for the light to change. There were two lanes and I drove on the right side. In the left lane came a driver who would stop at the red light, but then instead of waiting for it to change, would immediately go, running the red light.

I wasn't traveling over the speed limit (I don't think..). But somehow I gained on the guy and passed him. Sure enough. the next light changed to red before I got to it and I came to a stop and waited. The same driver in the other lane would, again, come to a stop at the light, but go before it turned green. After the third time I mused 'What are you in such a hurry for?"

In a rare instance, I think I actually heard the voice of God. At any rate, the voice asked: "Are you angry because he is getting away with it, or are you angry because you don't think you would?" And it got me to thinking. Sure enough, if I had pulled that stunt, there would have been more red lights, this time behind me.

Being open and receptive to inspiration has a two way aspect to it. You can be encouraged for the good deeds you do, but you may also receive some insight when your mind might not be going on the right road. The great thing about this is there is always time to change the road you're on, to take a cue from Led Zeppelin. (Please, no comments about what Robert Plant may have been referring to in those lyrics.)

The main essence of this kind of inspiration is that it can help you along the way to achieving a state of serenity. I personally don't want to get into a long, drawn out rant in my mind of the injustice I perceive from others. There is nothing I can do about how others interact with the world. But sometimes, as I am wont to say, God has to hit me upside the head with a baseball bat to get my attention because I am way too focused on things that shouldn't really concern me.

So, when I do get that bump on the noggin, I have to come to attention and look at the situation for what it really is, not for what I perceive it to be on my own. 

May your spiritual journey be fruitful

Quiggy 

On Failure

 

 

 

"Failure" does not occur when you fall down. "Failure" occurs when you do not get up again.

The concept of giving up, conceding defeat, has always been an anathema to me. The old adage of "if at first you don't succeed, try try again" is an optimistic way of saying it, but also the classic children's tale of The Little Engine That Could ("I think I can, I think I can") plays over and over again in my struggle to achieve success.

Years ago I tried to attend recovery meetings in Austin (I lived about 30-50 miles south in San Marcos). Most of the time I left San Marcos with the intention of attending such-and-such meeting somewhere in Austin, but I only had a general address for the meeting. Since this was in the days before I had GPS on my phone, I relied heavily on remembering details from checking out the location on my home computer before leaving.  

On more than one occasion I would arrive at the location, only to find that it was in a business park, or a mall setting, and I had no idea which building in particular I was looking for. On those rare occasions when I came up empty, I would travel back to San Marcos somewhat defeated. But that insistent feeling I had of never wanting to admit "complete defeat" would inspire me. So on the next occasion to try to find that meeting I would use Google maps  and the option of "street view" on the maps so I could look at the front door of the entrance and know what I was looking for the next time.

The first sentence of this blog entry is my own encapsulation of various other quotes that I have read on the subject of failure. One of my favorites, however, comes from a guy who really exemplifies the "can do" determination of someone who refuses to let failures defeat his perseverance.  

"I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

                                                                                   -Thomas Edison 

 

I think that cultivating an attitude of perseverance in the face of defeat is a useful thing in many circumstances. Ultimately I have to use discretion in how I approach the situation. What I mean is, hearkening back to previous entries on this blog, if the situation is something I can actively control, in this case using utilities available to me to achieve success, I can come to a solution to the dilemma at hand. The key is knowing which situations are within my control and which are not.

To me, this means that failure to control outside influences is not necessarily "failure". Is it failure that I can't actively stop the progression of the cancer I have on my own? No, not in the least. But it is failure if I give up and just let the chips fall where they may without taking advantage of the resources to help. Neither is it failure when I rely on my recovery group to help me overcome addiction. Even though the source book for the program stipulates that admitting "complete defeat" as a requirement to go forward, that defeat is only failure if, after admitting complete defeat I remain unwilling to accept help.

There is a negative factor to defeat, but then, there can also be a positive factor to it, if only I am willing to learn the lessons being presented to me. My spiritual advisor, whom I choose to call God, has a lesson for me in this situation. Perhaps it is only that I can use my experience to inspire others to persevere, rather than becoming a unique case of how faith can bring about miracles; i.e. "faith healing", which I have often said I don't entirely believe in in the first place.  But just writing the blog entries has been effective on my own outlook on life, and I guess that could qualify as an aspect of "faith healing"...

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy  

Temperance vs. Temptation

Years ago I had a cat. Her name was Pennie.

Pennie taught me as much as I taught her. In particular, I think of what she taught me about temptation and succumbing to, instead of controlling, desires.

I had a desk on which Pennie would climb up and sit. Sometimes when she did that I would grab a ball of string, unravel it a little, and dangle it in front of her. As cats are wont to do, Pennie would paw at the string. Sometimes I would dangle it just out of her reach over the edge of the desk. Often she would reach too far and lose her balance and fall off the desk to the floor.

(I can hear you now. "That's cruel!" Come on, people! It was less than a three foot fall. She never got hurt.) 

I got to thinking about it one day at a meeting in my recovery program. I compared the temptation to drink somewhat to my furry friend and her ball of string. Putting myself in harm's way by going to a bar, even if ostensibly I was just going to watch a sports game, could easily have led to the temptation to reduce my resolve to not drink.

As a result I listened to a LOT of games on the radio. (I didn't have my own T.V., which was why I would have even considered going to a public place to watch one...) One of the common aphorisms I often hear in recovery meetings is "If you hang around in a barber shop long enough, eventually you are going to get a haircut." You can take that and apply it to the bar. If I continued to go to bars, it is a foregone conclusion that eventually my resolve would have been reduced and I probably would have said "well, one won't hurt me..."

Now, the essence of the recovery program I am in says I don't HAVE to do it alone. I can count on others to help me in my quest. Which is why Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is not the ONLY program in the pond. You also have Overeaters Anonymous (OA), Gamblers Anonymous (GA), Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), several drug specific programs like Cocaine Anonymous (CA). Heroin Anonymous (HA), Marijuana Anonymous (MA) and a variety of other groups that help people who may be addicted to something.

The temptation to over indulge does not have to be limited to just intoxicating beverages, drugs, or other less than desirable situations, however. For instance, I absolutely LOVE cheesecake. But if I buy a whole cheesecake and proceed to try to eat the whole damn thing in one sitting, not only am I going to get a serious stomach ache, but I also won't have any left to share or eat at a later date.

This is where the concept of temperance comes in. In essence I have to become "master of my own domain", that essence of the first part of the previously mentioned Dichotomy of Control. The idea is that I must take action in that part of my life that I can control, in this case my desires, and keep them in rein. And that includes emotions, which I have touched on previously.

Let me say this: It's OK to be angry. If someone cuts me off in traffic, the immediate emotional response that comes, to be upset at the infraction, may be hardly avoidable, at least it is for me. The problem comes when I dwell on it too long. It is out of my control when the actions of others interact with my own personal space, but it is my control to prevent it from taking over my own personal attitudes.

"Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power."

                                                                                -Seneca 

 

"We pause when agitated" is a phrase I have heard. Often it takes a few minutes for me to move from agitation to reflection, but when I do, I leave myself open to the insights that God may reveal to me. I am usually more receptive to the lessons I get from rebuke or remonstrance when I have over indulged in negative emotions than I am to curbing those negative emotions in the first place.  But these are teaching moments. And, like anything else in my life, I can take what I learn and use it to improve my life, if only I will stop and take time to listen.

 

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

 

Quiggy  

The Dichotomy of Control

 

 

 

 

"Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word. whatever is not of our doing." 

-Epictetus 

 

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." 

-The Serenity Prayer 

 

The essence of living serenely is to determine what you can or cannot change within your own life. The Stoics call this "the dichotomy of control". The quote from the Stoic philosopher Epictetus (above) distills it all down very succinctly. In addition, a common prayer used in various recovery program meetings (also quoted above) put the essence of this idea into easy layman's terms.

When I was a kid, my maternal grandparents had a plaque on the wall in their house (pictured above). As a kid it really meant nothing to me, as I didn't understand the message. After my grandfather died, my grandmother began a process designed to reduce the bulk of what had been theirs to a more manageable state. This included getting rid of some stuff, like books and bric-a-brac. She asked me if I would like the above plaque.

At the time it still held no significance for me other than it was memorabilia from the past. But I took it. Several years later it did acquire some significance, since, as an active member of one of those previously mentioned recovery programs, I had heard what is commonly called "The Serenity Prayer". The plaque now has a permanent place above my bed.

In essence, what the whole dichotomy of control means is that there are certain things I can take control of in my life. These include, but are not limited to, how I react to situations and stimuli that enter my life. Note: I can't actually control which situations and stimuli enter my personal world, but I have the option of controlling my reactions to said situations. 

I can do all things within my power to get you to like me, for instance, but like the horse and the body of water, I can't actually "make" you like me. I once heard someone say that the serenity prayer gets it wrong. You don;t get acceptance through serenity, you get serenity through acceptance. The dichotomy of control states that I can only have control over my own actions, and any outside stuff is not worth sweating over since I can't actually change it of my own free will. 

Of course, that does not mean I have to defeatist attitude; i.e. "'there's nothing I can do about it, so screw it". In terms of my imminent departure from this life- another quote from Epictetus: "I cannot escape death, but at least I can escape the fear of it." Modern science has improved exponentially since the days of Epictetus, so I can take advantage of resources available, but I don't have to dwell on the negative side of the equation.

The ultimate benefits from accepting what I cannot change and focusing only on the things I can are many. 

The main benefit for me is that elusive word "serenity". In my recovery program I have often said that the primary benefit of the program is that it has helped be overcome my addiction. But the second benefit, and that thing I want most of all is serenity. It turns out that one of the best ways to achieve serenity is to not stress over outside influences.  To harken back to that treasured T-shirt I mentioned in an earlier post: "You need to let that **** go."

Another benefit is that when I am not stressing over those things I can focus on other projects that are more productive. How much time I have wasted on fretting or grousing about the productivity of my co-workers, when I could have just jumped in and helped and gotten the job done sooner. This also would have improved my relationships with said co-workers. But since I cannot change the past, all I can do is work on the present, and hopefully improve the future. Again, that stressing over things I can't control: the past, the actions of those around me now, and the outcome of the situation outside of my own personal effort become useless in my striving towards serenity.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Living only for today and doing what I can to improve it, whether for me personally, or possibly those around me is the best way I can approach it. And since today is actually the first day of the new year, it is a good way to start the journey of 2026.

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy 

Resentment and Forgiveness

 

 

 

When I first moved down to San Marcos to go to college I lived on the campus of Southwest Texas State University. I took a job with the University Police Department as a way to supplement my income. Among my duties were writing parking citations and operating one of the booths that approached the campus. Much of the university was on a hill, and the duties of the police guard at the booth was directing traffic. 

One of the things I was responsible for as a booth officer was to tell students that they were not allowed to drop off passengers up on the hill. They had to disembark at the booth and walk. Mostly it appears that this was to keep the hill clear for the various commuter buses that came from out of town. Also, the only parking spaces that were past the booth were "restricted" meaning only faculty could use them.

I took my job seriously, and sometimes even a little too seriously. One person in particular that I had a run in with constantly was a woman who would try to speed past the booth to avoid having to abide by the university rules. My interactions with this woman led her to apparently file a complaint that I was "harassing" her (when in reality, all I was doing was enforcing the rules). Nothing came of it during my tenure but it did play a part in a later episode in my life.

After I had left the university in 1989, I took a job stocking groceries at a local grocery store overnight. At one point, the university received some complaints that someone was making obscene phone calls to one of the girls dormitories. Initially the phone company told the University Police that the calls were coming from the grocery store where I worked.

The woman who was in charge of the University Police at the time called me up for a talk. At the time I knew nothing about the harassing phone calls; I assumed I was being called in for an interview for an open full-time position on the staff. Only, when I got there this woman made every effort she could to get me to "admit" that I was the guilty phone harasser. Despite my insistent I was not guilty we parted ways with her still thinking I was the guilty party. Later the phone company admitted they had made a mistake. All of us on the grocery stocking crew received a letter of apology from the phone company (although I was the only one who had been accused by the University representative).

I never received any kind of apology from the woman at the Police department however. For something like 20 years I refused to let it go. I never saw the woman again or confronted her about it, but I held on to that resentment, often playing over the scene in my mind, sometimes with less than conciliatory responses to her questioning.

In 2009 I entered the recovery program I have mentioned several times in this blog. Among the steps towards a more reasonable attitude towards life was one in which I listed a list of grievances that I had garnered over the years, and she was the first one I wrote down. Letting go of these resentments, by praying for a right attitude and realizing what my part in the resentment had been was part of the process. I realized I had created that situation primarily because of my attitude towards the people I had interacted with during that job as a student police officer. If I had been more of a model citizen during those two years I doubt that the university police representative would have even paused when she saw my name among the list of grocery employees.

Forgiveness is a quality that took some years to cultivate. Sometimes it is easy. I don't even recall any of the times I lent people money who promised to pay it back but never did. I know there were plenty of times, I just never let it bother me. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I never lent anything I couldn't afford to do without in the first place, but it still has an essence of forgiveness that I could just let it go.

On the other hand, I also took things a bit too personally, especially when people didn't measure up to my standards of how people should be. Lending money was one thing, but stiffing me on a bet was an entirely different matter. I would never have said "We didn't have a bet" to get out of paying a bet, but it did happen to me on several occasions. These, too, caused some serious dampers in relationships, and these too were things that I needed to let go of during the recovery process.  

 "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" is familiar to anyone who has a familiarity with what is called "The Lord's Prayer". When it comes to spirituality, forgiveness is a two-way street. We can ask God to forgive us when we make mistakes, but God expects us to do likewise with those with whom we interact on a daily basis. 

Likewise, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" comes up commonly. And that sentiment is not restricted to just the Christian tradition. A Buddhist axiom: "Whatever is disagreeable to yourself, do not do to others." Islamic ideal: "None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself." No matter which religion or spiritual tradition you follow, there is, somewhere in their spiritual texts, something along those lines.

But when "the Golden Rule" is thrown out the window and someone does something to us that is unacceptable to us, it behooves us to take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. Resentments can cause not only undue hardships in our relationships, but they can also cause severe emotional and even physical damage to ourselves. I often say that the worst"hangover" I ever got was not as a result of having too much to drink the night before. It was because I dwelt too long ruminating over a situation that did not proceed the way I would have wanted it to.

When I finally forgave the university police woman in my own mind, my life became much better, both spiritually and physically. Not only did I get rid of that nagging emotional hangover, I also  began to feel better physically because I wasn't getting run down and tired from reliving the bad moment. I feel much better when I forgive and forget than I do when I retain and rehash them.

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy  

Lost

 

 

 

 

Have you ever gotten lost? 

It can be frustrating as an adult, to not know where the hell you are, totally unfamiliar with your surroundings and not sure how to get back to where things are "normal". But, I think, as an adult, it is much easier to stop and take time to evaluate the situation, and, hopefully, figure out the solution.

But as a kid it can be a source of panic to be lost.

When I was about 7 or 8, our Cub Scout troop went to Six Flags over Texas. We had some supervision, of course, but as I recall, we had partners who looked out for each other. Me and my partner at the time had paused at the entrance of the dolphin show. (Note: All this is vague fleeting memories, so some details may not be quite accurate. I think it was a dolphin show, but it could have been something else...)

Anyway, as we stood there my partner wandered away and I was left there by myself. Me, this young kid in a big environment with no one near me that I recognized. I began to cry. Fortunately this was the late 60's, and people were more receptive to helping out strangers, especially crying little boys. A couple of kind adults looked around and found the rest of my troop and we were reconnected without much trouble. But it still had a profound effect on me.

As a result, for several years I was reluctant to stray far from my family or the adults in charge. Gradually I overcame this fear, but it took a long time to be completely comfortable with looking out beyond the familiar surroundings. Today I am much more comfortable with investigating the unknown. The GPS on my phone has proven helpful on occasion when I got too far off the beaten track, but I have always had an innate sense of direction.  Once, before I did have GPS, I was in west Austin, traveling back to San Marcos. I knew, generally, that San Marcos was south and east of me, so I just kept going east until I ran into a block and had to turn south, then if another block came up I headed east again. Eventually I ended up in familiar territory.

It is the same way with a spiritual journey. It might be easy to get lost, especially when I am trying to take things into my own hands and trying to manipulate the outcome to my own desired result. And, as is often the case, I end up even more lost than when I first started. The key to staying fit on a spiritual trek is to stop and let the inspiration from a higher spiritual being (for me, God) take the reins. If I quiet my own inner turmoil of not being able to resolve the issue on my own, and let God take control, the pathway becomes clear. "Let go. Let God." is an axiom I learned in my recovery program that helps keep me from delving into a panic when it looks like all is hopeless.

It may take hours of frustration at trying to solve the dilemma myself before I actually break down and ask for help from God, however.

In one particular instance I remember to this day: About 15 years ago I went to a convention in Irving (a suburb of Dallas - Ft. Worth). I checked into the hotel and got settled in my room, then went to the front desk to ask where I might find a store where I could buy some bottled water. The desk clerk directed me to a Walmart, which consisted of making two simple right hand turns and about a 2 mile drive. On exiting Walmart, I took the road back to the highway, but that section was blocked off due to construction.

As it turned out, the entire Dallas - Ft. Worth Metroplex highway system seemed to be under construction. I had to detour several times, due to ongoing construction, and basically went through just about every suburb in the area trying to get back to the hotel. In the end I had been driving around for about an hour and a half, getting more and more frustrated that I could not find the hotel. Finally, after I had become exhausted from trying to solve the dilemma on my own I just said a simple prayer, one that I should have said a lot earlier: "God, I can't find this hotel. Please help me."

As soon as I said that prayer, lo and behold, a few hundred yards up the road was my hotel. I am convinced to this day that if I had not said that prayer I probably would have driven right past the hotel, thinking that it was not the ne I was looking for. It's quite possible that I was close to it once or twice during the hour and a half that I spent trying to solve my own problem.

Getting lost does not have to end in defeat. Sometimes God can use that situation to help me find a closer relationship and dependence on him, rather than relying on my bullheaded independent streak. 

May your spiritual journey be fulfilling.

Quiggy 

Meditation

 

 

 

 

One of the hardest things to master, at least for me, is the idea of meditation. I must have started reading at least half a dozen books on meditation over the years, but never fully finished them, nor have I ever really developed a consistency in meditation practices. Truth be told, my mind tends to be easily distracted, and it comes harder for me because of a lack of ability to focus.

This is the same whether I have tried to do it in the Christian tradition (praying and listening to God), or in a Buddhist ideal (just trying to banish all outside distractions and focus on the inner self), or any one of another half dozen practices. 

My main problem, as I tend to illustrate when telling people of my struggle with the concept, is that I will get started and then... "Oh, look! A squirrel!"  Although this illustration is pretty simplistic (it's almost NEVER really a squirrel that distracts me...), it serves to indicate my dilemma of how easily I can get distracted.

Long before I ever even heard of ADHD, I must've been one that could have been easily diagnosed with it. As a child I would often daydream during class, and I've always had a tendency to be impulsive. I recall more than once being sent to the principal's office because I was staring out the window instead of paying attention to the teacher. (Why did they have those room long picture windows in the classroom in the first place, if it wasn't for staring out of...?)

So it comes down to the idea that meditation is primarily a process of blanking my mind from any potential distractions. One ideal way to avoid distractions at least as far as I am concerned, is to begin before ever getting out of bed. When i wake up in the morning it is still pitch black dark. No one else in the house is awake, I am alone with my own thoughts. I can lay there (or sit there) in my bed and the only even remotely possible distraction would be if it's raining. But even that can have a positive effect on a meditation mood.

Meditation and prayer go hand in hand from the point of some religions. You realize there is a difference in the two? "Prayer" is when you are talking to God (or whatever higher spiritual being you choose). "Meditation", on the other hand, is listening for that higher spiritual being's response. Communication with God is a two-way street. It does no good if you ask a question to someone and then leave the conversation before you have received an answer.

There are many things in life that I am unable to discern the correct way to approach, and it becomes pertinent that if I am asking for help, I should wait for the answer before I act. This works not only on the spiritual level but also the physical level. In the same way that I can Google how to do something and have to follow whatever instructions I am given, asking for spiritual help requires that I follow through with the answer I receive from the spiritual realm. 

I am still struggling with the meditation aspect of the spiritual connection, but things do look better whenever I listen and follow through with the insights I am given.

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy 

 

Cultivating Patience

 

 

One of the faults I have, in both the physical and the spiritual realm, is a severe deficiency of "patience". It is for this reason that some things do not come easy for me. Lack of patience leads me to, variously, frustration, anger and even defeatism. 

One year, back in the early '80's, I was living away from home with an extended family, renting a room from my college friend's mother. There were about 10 of us at Christmas time, and instead of everybody buying 10 presents each, we just drew names and each person only had to buy a gift for another person. My college friend's brother in law got my name and he bought me the above conundrum, which I think was packaged as "Rubik's Revenge". The first thing, after I finished opening my gift, was that he took it from me and jumbled it up. Now I had my goal to fix it back to it's original state. Can't say I succeeded, but it definitely was a patience inducer if you kept at it for any length of time. 

My own personal ideas of "the way things ought to be" include a little side expectation of seeing immediate results. So, the lack of patience while waiting for things to start turning around and going my way leads to some incredibly selfish acts. 

Now, patience can sometimes come pretty easy. Most people find traffic jams to be annoying and frustrating. I observe other drivers in traffic jams always trying to jockey for a "better" position, as if somehow changing lanes every two minutes will accelerate their progress.  Me, on the other hand, I just accept that eventually I will be able to navigate this obstacle and just let time take it's course. Sometimes I even find it an excellent opportunity to meditate.

On the other hand, I can sometimes extremely impatient. The one instance that comes to mind most easily is: Whenever I have to call a help center for something with some corporation. You know the drill. You (or least I) always seem to get connected with someone in India for whom speaking English is a third or fourth language. It can be frustrating trying to explain things to someone who is not on the same wavelength. 

So, how does one develop patience? Raised in a Christian church I often heard the phrase "pray to God for patience". But that was always accompanied by a corollary: When you pray to God for patience, He usually gives you things to be patient about. My response to that has always been that I wish whoever was praying for me to have patience would cut it out. I mean. I certainly wasn't praying for patience.

The process of learning patience has been a long hard slog. 16 years ago I made a transition in my life where I started to slow down a bit, and learn to accept my situation. It hasn't always been roses and chocolate, but neither has it been a lot of skunk cabbage and Brussels sprouts... (I hate Brussels sprouts...)

I find that if I am rowing the boat against the current it is a struggle that drains me. Sometimes I stop and realize that the direction that the current is flowing is trying to lead me to a better life than the one I think is on the other side of the current against which  I am struggling. "Let Go. Let God." is one of the many mottoes in the recovery program which I follow. "Take time to stop and smell the roses" is another idiom that helps to instill some patience.

Whenever I am frustrated that I seem to not be progressing as fast as I think I ought to be progressing, usually it is a lack of patience that is the culprit in the ill feeling. Slowing down and letting things progress at their own pace instead of trying to manipulate things to progress at a pace I want is a key to that elusive patience.

For instance, I am not always in a rush to get from point A to point B anymore. An example: several years ago I made a trip to Lawrence, KS to visit some people I had only previously known from online contact through my recovery program. On the return trip back to Texas, I input my destination in Google maps, specifying to avoid highways and tolls. Then I just let GPS run its course.

During that trip, I ended up on some back country dirt roads. And by that I don't mean poorly paved county roads, I mean literally "dirt" roads. The GPS navigated me through about 15 miles of these dirt roads before I finally ended back on pavement. At no time did I ever become impatient with the pace I had to drive on those back roads, nor did I try to make up time after regaining the pavement. I can't say how much longer it took to travel that way rather than on Interstates, but whatever time I gave up was more than repaid by a serene drive through areas of the state I might not otherwise have seen. 

I do that quite often these days. I am not in any hurry to get anywhere, so I will program my GPS to do the same thing on many road trips. The only time I ever experienced any frustration on that was a fairly insignificant thing:  The GPS voice is decidedly from somewhere in the northeast. On a drive in Texas, the GPS voice told me to turn on How-ston Street, (spelled "Houston" Street). Any Texan can tell you that we pronounce it Hew-ston. It's named after a Texas independence hero and one of our first governors, Sam Houston.

But that is such an insignificant detail to dwell on that I dismissed it almost immediately, and only bring it up now and then to have a laugh or two over the faux pas. 

Patience is a grand ideal, and for me, sometimes patience goes hand in hand with acceptance. If I can accept things as if that's the way things are meant to be, it gradually becomes easier to have patience with the things that might otherwise cause distress.

 

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy 

   

 

A Conversation

 

 

 

A conversation with an angel:

 

I was standing in the checkout lane at the grocery store, waiting to buy a few items I had come in to get.  

"Can I be Frank with you?"

I looked behind me. An older gentleman with white hair and a beard looked at me expectantly. 

"Sure, you can be whoever you want. What's up, Frank?" I said.

"No, I don't mean 'Frank' as a name," he said "I mean can I talk to you, straightforward. You know, like one on one, man to man, and truthfully.... frank."

"Oh, OK. So what's on your mind?"

"I notice you seem to be putting up an excellent front with your current situation. Outwardly you seem to be bravely facing the hardships, but I also notice that deep down you seem to be actually struggling with it.  I think you ought to be more open and let more people into your life."

How did this guy know me so well? I took a closer look at him and noticed a faint glow about him. Who was this guy?

"The reality of it is," he said, "people really care about you. When they ask how you are, it is rather dismissive to just say "I'm doing O.K.", when in all honesty you don't feel well. You need to open up more."

"Who are you?" I asked. "How do you know about what thoughts are going through my head?"

"Oh! Let me introduce myself," he said. "My name is Peter. But you can just call me 'Pete' if you want."

"O.k. Pete. Give me the lowdown. How do you know about me?"

"Well," said Pete, "I work with this guy who has an interest in your well-being. He feels like you may be taking it a little too hard on your own. You know, there are people in your life that actually care. You have to learn to let them in. It's not just good for them to feel better when they help you, it's also a way for you to help yourself."

"Pete," I said, "I have been a loner all my life. I have been self-sufficient and always handled my own problems..."

"And, yet, sometimes you can't handle the problems..." replied Pete. "You tend to get disheartened and fatalistic when you can't work things out, and just say to yourself 'Screw it', when just right next to you might be someone sympathetic and have a solution. You should come to terms with the fact that you were never meant to travel this world alone. Everyone needs the help of others."

"But, what if I am burdening people with my ills? No one needs the heartache of listening to someone unload their story on them..."

 "You underestimate people. Sure, the stranger down the street might not be receptive. But I'm talking about your friends and your relatives. These people genuinely want to help and want to know how you are facing up. Those are the people you should not dismiss with that non-committal 'doing O.K.' when deep down you are either hurting or feeling depressed. Those are the people who can help you right the ship when it starts to keel over, so to speak."

I pondered this for a moment. It was true. I tended to not let people into my private life. That self-sufficiency attitude was entirely a major pressure point in my attitude. IAs I thought about what Pete was saying, something he had said earlier caught my memory.

"Pete," I asked, "just who is 'this guy' you mentioned that cares so much about me? And, for that matter, who ARE you? I mean, really?" 

"Who am I?" said Pete. "I guess you might call me someone who has a special interest in your well-being. Everybody has someone somewhere who is looking out for them. You know, like Clarence did for George Bailey."

"George Bailey??? You mean like the guy in It's A Wonderful Life? So that means you're my Clarence? My guardian angel?. But then that means that other guy must be..."

"Yeah, you got it. God. God cares about you. And God sends his representatives in all forms. Including as your friends and relatives. So use them. And don't forget to thank the guy who sent them."

*******************

So. Did this conversation actually happen? I'm not saying. But the message is clear. God cares.

May your spiritual journey be fruitful.

Quiggy